Rob and I were coming home from an open mic last night. I was thinking about, not the night’s performance, but about how I carry myself in general. I have always wanted to be one of those lithe, elegant creatures who move with absolute grace …. floating through their simple motions …. astounding onlookers with their absolute comfort in their own skin ….. If you know me, you know this is laughable. I hate being clumsy. I feel not quite right in my own skin and have always envied people who have a real sense of their physical forms, how they work, move, react. People who can calculate the fall of their hair or the angle of a collar bone. I’ve had this conversation with people about Mitzi … I love how Mitzi can do that. I’ve often thought she should teach a class or something. It’s down to the simplest thing. I feel awkward packing up my guitar. That’s what i was thinking tonight. As a musician, you would think I am at something of an advantage in that I can perfect certain motions because I have the opportunity to do them all the time.
Winding quarter inch cable, for instance, or adjusting a microphone. Simple things that I do so often that I should be able to craft an elegant pattern of movement memorizable and repeatable over and over again. I could cheat looking graceful, when really it’s just those heavily practiced elements that I’ve got down. Cheating at effortless grace. You would think i would be able to do that, but I still haven’t got it figured out. After what’s coming up on three years as a serious musician, I still commonly walk into mike stands, have an ungainly time with cables, and just generally knock things over and stuff. I think I’ve figured out part of it though, I think my brain is working out my order of operations too fast. I know the handful of motions and tasks I have to do to get from the stage where I’ve just played back to my seat, but I try to do them halfways all at once rather than lining them up and giving them each their own time. I need to stop trying to wind my cable while holding my guitar and not looking where I’m going so I walk into the mike stand …. This is a theory that gives me hope, because the idea that I could just be this clumsy forever without anything that can be done about it is sort of disheartening.
ilyAIMY joins forces with Tinsmith at the College Perk.
I would also like to have wings. Maybe if I had the wings I would be naturally graceful, because a clumsy creature with big beautiful wings just seems like a crime against nature. I’ve always wanted them since I was little, in that foolish way that secretly still thinks maybe one day something crazy will happen and I will have them … just like that. Tyler says if I was a winged creature, I would be a dodo, but I would have a good time with it nonetheless. Sigh.
1 thought on “September 9th, 2004”
hmmmmmm….I wonder if reading Heather’s entry here inspired rob to do the art piece of Heather with WINGS!!!!!