I think I’m exhausted by volunteer work. I think I’m exhausted by particular connections from which almost all of my current stress comes from – and it is those things from which I see the least return that I receive the most angst. And I’m tired of it.
I really Love playing music. When it comes down to it, I really like a lot of the things that go with it – even some of the booking aspects. I like making the posters, updating the website. I like running events. I like video editing.
It’s the things where… where I didn’t really “volunteer” so much as NOT take a step backwards when people asked someone to step forward… and everyone else stepped back. And I hate this stuff. These are things that I despise – because I’m somewhere in the middle.
I’m not the performer that shows up and plays the show, and I’m not the person 100% in charge. I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m in the committee. I’m dealing with meetings and being politic and dealing with the opinions of people who – haven’t done it – don’t really know what IT is – didn’t have the charisma and solely have a position because they’ve got the time to have it.
I’m appalled by how I’ve let things I hate slowly encroach upon a relatively large amount of my time. So. Gotta fix that.
I’m sorry to Vaguebook all up in my Journal – but on top of everything else, my skull is beginning to tell me I’ve been staring at a computer screen for far too long. Kristen’s watching Terminator upstairs with a big fuzzy cat – and I have the suspicion that I’d rather be doing THAT.
