Nightmares and strange, beautiful dreams. Women and skin and music and sunsets. Cars and apocalypses. Death on a deity’s scale. I’ve been writing sentences and moments in time, inspirations and quotes, but very little that completes any actual train of thought. I’m too distracted, too tired, too broken.
Alligator Alcatraz and a law named after BIDEN with sarcastic intent. The American government is currently based on cruelty and small-minded pettiness. Imagined emergencies and knee-bent pathetic, slobbering slavishness. And news and information is siloed so you can get whatever information you WANT, not the information you need.
So I guess it makes sense that I’m having nightmares. Or at least really, really strange fantasies. It makes sense my thoughts are a little incoherent.
One of my ex-girlfriends is exiting the nation at speed right now. She and her husband have done a lot of covert work in nations that have fallen apart. Civil wars. Coups. She says that the average citizen will never be affected. They’ll just continue their Life. Probably they’ll receive a little less for their [monetary denomination of choice] and their taxes will go up, but that’s sort of a capitalist-given. But their Lives won’t change fundamentally. They will not become casualties.
But almost everyone becomes a half-casualty. Walking-wounded shells that have lost faith and trust and sleep because every social institution around them has been eroded. Every trust has rusted. Every relationship undermined and poisoned.
I’m not sure what to say. I don’t know what I can say and to whom. I provoke responses when I go beyond my standard “come out and see me play”, and Facebook and Instagram hover like the Beta XII-A entity, absorbing all that hatred and feeding and growing stronger and richer. Trump sits above it, smiling benevolently, crushing things around him thoughtlessly like Nurgle.
We are our basest in this moment. And we are being desensitized and programmed. I’ll go out and play tonight in the hope that I make someone feel something. That I reinforce some little empathetic path in our audience’s mind.
I want to just go back to sleep, but everyone’s already dead in my dreams.