Ugh – I hate having a grumpy night – and this was definitely that. I’m horribly aware that I spend a LOT of time crushing down my temper, but there are definitely a couple of regulars at my open mic that can get under my skin. They’re generally actually good-hearted people – just… you know… not good at the whole social side of things.
I’m not angry at them. I know the guy who kept asking to play a drum during other peoples’ sets didn’t really grasp why using the drum that didn’t belong to him was wrong. Like, he really didn’t get it – and yet I really wanted to just go after him, beyond laying down the law. No harm was done, but I was furious.
But I wasn’t really angry at HIM. Not really. I’m angry at the world. And I just wish I had an outlet. Some nights music’s not enough – certainly not just the open mic set. Like, it would’ve been a really good night to go play Firestone’s. One of the bar gigs. Something where I get to really roar.
We don’t have the physical outlet of just getting into a fight. Even if it WERE socially manageable, I’m just too fucking old and out of shape to do that (though part of me says that getting beaten could maybe be just as satisfying as giving a beating).
In any case, I’m tired. I’m pissed off. And I know I’m mostly pissed off at the world. And I hate letting it show, because if I’m letting it show, how am I supposed to encourage OTHER people to let it out with music and art and not with road rage and bombs and casual cruelty? You lead by example, and some nights, I’m just not a very good example.
1 thought on “December 12th, 2017.”
Some other kind of physical release perhaps? I hear chopping wood is good for anger issues! On another note, I’ve made your Christmas tree the lock screen on my phone!